How Fear Moved Me


I had finally landed a job in my field of study and was coming to the realization that it wasn't for me.  There was no sign of reconciliation between the man I thought I would marry and myself. At home things where out of sync. The kids where acting crazy. I felt alone with everything that I was going through.

During this time I was trying my legs as a new christian. Little did I know I was trying to walk when I should have been crawling. I went to church and I praised The Lord. I gave my ten percent and attended bible study.  But when I was tested I failed miserably, at least then in my eyes. With everything that I had going on at the time my world was crashing in on me.  I thought I had faith enough to handle it but, I became fearful. Fight or flight kicked in. What to do?

I chose flight. Not prayer. Not faith that things would get better, but flight.  All the way to Arizona.  See what I mean by fear being a catapult.  A change in environment and people may do me and the kids good, I thought.  So I planned as far as letting my family know that I was coming, and saving money so that I would have a cushion til I found a job.  When the day came I loaded up the kids and onto AZ we went. What is usually a 2-3 day trip by car took me 1 day.

We arrived safely. Arizona was a whole new world. And I can't say that life has been coming up roses every since, it still has it's thorns. And although I have no regrets about my decision to move to another state.  I'm pretty sure things would have been different if my faith was a little bit stronger then. But what I didn't know then I know now.  My faith is stronger along with my ability to face my fears instead of running and hiding.

The funny thing I've learned about life and fear, is that the things you fear and run from will continue to pop up in life until you face it and deal with. And once you've done that, that thing may continue to pop up. But you know what? Your not afraid anymore.

Til' next time



The Beautiful Eagle said...

Running seems like the best option most times....

LaNeshe M.W. said...

Really good message.

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